She Hates Me!
by Naheka and Joe the Nazgul
Summary: Legolas gets REJECTED! YESSSS!!! Woo-hoo! A short songfic about how Legolas might react to this... er, tragedy? MARY-SUE BASHING! Free Mary-Sue spleens with every read taken. They squeak if you twist them hard enough.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs to JRR Tolkien. _Puddle of Mudd_ owns "She Hates Me". Love that song.  
  


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** Author's Note:**  
Had this songfic idea in the back of my mind for quite some time. I've always wanted to do something like this... well, not quite. I dunno'. Well, this Mary-Sue parody is one that makes fun of the specific fics where Mary-Sue dies and Aragorn is a bad guy. Does that type exist? Not sure, but thinking of it, I felt that the idea was Sue-ish enough.  
  
Hope you hate it! I sure did!  
_ Naheka_  


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** She Hates Me**  
Lyrics by _Puddle of Mudd_  
Story by Naheka   
with help from Joe  
  
  
Mary-Sue was her name, probably the most beautiful, most perfect, most absolutely positively wonderful and caring person the Valar have ever made... bah! As if the Valar would ever create such a beautifully hideous creature. Yeah, I met her once; just once. People as extraordinary as her only come around once. What was she now? Oh, yes. Mary-Sue was the second daughter to Elrond. There were quite a few that strongly thought she was much prettier than Arwen Undomiel.  
  
We first met before the Council of Elrond. I found her in the woods with a few of her forest friends. She had the most lovely voice, and I had loved her instantly.  
  
_Met a girl, thought she was grand  
fell in love, found out first hand  
went well for a week or two  
then it all came unglued  
_  
But of course, of course... everyone else loved her too. Arguments, tears, fights and several rape incidents here and there. All part of the usual traumatic romance dilemmas. She met up with us as the Fellowship of the Ring one day. She said she wanted to go after me because she loved me more than anything. She was the best sword fighter --better than Aragorn-- and could even outmatch myself in archery.  
  
However, like I said before, everyone else loved her too. Aragorn was after her.  
  
_in a trapped trip I can't grip  
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip  
then I started to realize  
I was living one big lie_  
  
Yes, you heard me. That devious Ranger's mind searched for something even riper than the Lady Evenstar. The only problem with that pursuit was that she was already mine! ...Or was she?  
  
_She f****** hates me  
trust  
she f****** hates me  
la la la la  
I tried too hard  
and she tore my feelings like I had none  
and ripped them away_  
  
She chose him over me. I knew that on the night I found them together, I would die; I would die. I could not believe that Mary-Sue would fool me, trick me, just to get another man she loved.  
  
_She was queen for about an hour  
after that s*** got sour  
she took all I ever had  
no sign of guilt  
no feeling of bad, no_  
  
No. I would not die. Mary-Sue did, though. I recall it was something about either a sacrifice, concerning her life for the one she loved, or either she got shot by Uruk-hai somewhere. I heard she cleaved that Uruk-hai's head off before it could attack Aragorn. I cannot remember clearly. I should remember it, but I have chosen to forget it. But with this faint memory dawning on me...   
  
I do hope she got shot.  
  
_that's my story, as you see  
learned my lesson and so did she  
now it's over and i'm glad   
'cause i'm a fool for all i've said_  
  
She hates me. She doesn't love me. I loved Mary-Sue, but she was simply toying with me.  
  
_la la la la la la la la la la  
Trust  
la la la la la la la la la la  
Trust  
and she tore my feelings like I had none  
she f****** hates me!  
  
_...Oh well. On to the next one! There's this second daughter of Galadriel that I spotted by Nimrodel in Lothlorien with the most lovely eyes and---  
  
(_a drumstick comes hurdling out of nowhere and thwacks Legolas in the head. The elf topples over and faints._)  
  
** The End**  


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Creative critique, suggestions, and compliments are welcome. Flames... are MOST welcome!   



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